“I’m so selfish”

If you were conditioned from from an early age to ignore your needs for the sake of taking care of others, please know that when you begin to prioritize creating a fulfilling life for yourself by:

• identifying what’s important to you

• setting boundaries

• stating your preferences

• saying no

… you’ll likely experience thoughts like “I’m so selfish”, “I’m such a terrible person”, or even “I’m a narcissist” or “I must be just like <abusive caregiver>”, alongside intense feelings of shame.

The reason these thoughts are popping up is because you were conditioned to believe it. The people in your formative environments needed you to be needless and entirely selfless– and the moment you voiced any needs at all, you were labeled as “bad”– because asserting your needs meant that you wouldn’t be available as their endless supply of energy and attention. This conditioning kept you under their control, and kept you prioritizing their needs and not your own. 

So: it all makes complete sense… and I’m guessing you’d like to figure out how to stop perpetuating these patterns in your daily life. 😅

There are SO MANY TOOLS out there you can use to help interrupt the “I’m so selfish” shame spiral. 

Here are just a few:

1️⃣ FASTER EFT - EFT can help you shift the energy in your body-mind system REALLY FAST. Google “faster EFT” to see the points you can tap on, and say “I release and let this go” while you tap.

2️⃣ DISTANCING LANGUAGE - with whatever intrusive and distressing thought, prefix the thought with “I’m having the thought that…” and then “I notice I’m having the thought that…”. Using language in this way helps you to shift into the observer role and hold the thought more lightly.

3️⃣ CREATING SPACE - use your hands, palms face out, to slowly push away from your body. Say “not mine” while you move. By doing this, you’re setting a boundary between yourself and the thought.

4️⃣ RELEASE ANGER - If you’re pissed at this voice living rent-free inside you, an even stronger boundary-set (and a great release for your anger) is to get into a lunge position and push into a wall.

These are all tools to help you create space between your fight-or-flight unconscious response and the actions you really want to take, such as enforcing the boundary, removing yourself from the situation, choosing something new, etc.

Want more tools & support like this? Let’s work together in 1:1 coaching. The tools above are just a handful of things that will help you be an intentional creator of your fulfilling, meaningful life - there’s so much more I’d love to share with you.

Reach out for a free Discovery Call today!