Why it was inevitable that you became a high achiever

If you grew up in a high functioning yet highly dysfunctional family (such as a narcissistic family system, or a family system that was supporting a caregiver’s addiction that looked “perfect” on the outside), you might have noticed that the family’s way of giving and receiving love is highly transactional.

Transactions of “love substitutes” in high-functioning families often consist of achievement, excellence, prestige, acclaim and awards in exchange for the attention and affection of, or proximity to, the caregiver(s). And so, if you grew up in a family like this, it's no wonder that you chose perfectionism and high achievement as your coping strategy!

I know we don't like to think of ourselves as choosing these things– and as children this certainly isn’t a conscious or fair choice, because you should have been loved for your existence, not what you gave to the caregivers in your family unit. 

Nevertheless, many people choose to become a high achiever and strive for prestige / acclaim because that's the only way they know how to get any approval or attention in a family system devoid of real love and support. It was your way of trying to survive.

If you’re burned out due to your high-achieving habits and can’t seem to stop – ask yourself, “what am I afraid of losing if I don’t give everything my all?”